When we first did our research on adoption years ago, we were told that it would take about a year. Planners that we are, we knew when we would then start the process so that it would end at the optimal time for us. Then when we actually started, we heard that it might be a year, but it could be a year and a half. So rather than wait till summer, we officially started the process this past spring. Going into the process, I knew that the nature of it was unpredictable to a certain extent and that timing was one of the most unpredictable aspects. I knew this would stretch us planners who need to learn to loosen the iron grip of control freakishness. I knew this would be good for us in many ways. Knowing in your head is one thing, but knowing in your experience is another. Before you have a child, you know caring for a newborn is challenging. Even if you have been around plenty of newborns, that knowing comes to an all new understanding once you are in the trenches of sleepless nights, sore boobs, and inexplicable crying.
Our home study went along smoothly. We were on our way. Then we got called back in to answer some more questions. I guess we’re too honest. I have no problem telling people my weaknesses and flaws. To me, it’s just being in tune with reality. I don’t need to pretend to be something I’m not, so I don’t. But I can see how that might come across to a world that is usually trying to do just that. I go back and answer some more questions. We thought this home study would be done this summer, but turns out it took a little longer. We finally got the official approval from the state of Illinois last week (YAE!) which was maybe a month or two later than we anticipated. ‘Well,’ I thought, ‘that is the nature of it and I am being taught my little lesson on flexibility. The End.’ Our thought of finally getting our future daughter moved from the initial Summer 2012 to Fall 2012 to now possibly Winter 2012/13.
It was not ‘The End’ oh, naive little me! Today’s email from our international agency told us that we could expect our referral from Korea in about six months. SIX MONTHS! That means that we will have to wait six long months (we had thought it might be two) before we even get a referral which is the information (picture, description, etc.) of whom we might be adding to our family. From that point, we would still have another year or more (most likely more) before we could get her. So now our possible Winter 2012/13 seems to be pushed to Spring/Summer/Fall? 2013.
When I stop to think about it, I’m sad and I feel the ache in my arms to hold her growing stronger. At the same time, I know that this process is still relatively smooth. I know we have nothing to complain about when compared to parents who are going through this and don’t already have two children
who drive them to drink to love. What’s a couple years of waiting compared to many who have waited much longer to be parents in the first place? What’s a complaint about extended time lines in this day and age? Maybe it’s like thinking a change in Facebook’s format ruins our day. Or high school students in the ‘burbs protesting the 25 cent raise in their cookie price. Or Connor screaming when he has to clean up his mess or go out the back door instead of the front door or something else monumentally scarring. Perspective. We can all use it. Me especially. I know that with each element that adds to the growing ache, there comes the anticipation of even greater joy at the end of this journey, however long it ends up being.