Desperate times call for desperate measures

Many, many moons ago, I was picking up some groceries at Dominick’s. There was an elderly couple checking out in line directly behind me. When I got home and started unpacking and putting away my purchases, I found some stowaways among my things. I realized that the cashier had thought these items were with my stuff instead of the couple to whom they rightly belonged. Never in a million years would I consider buying these items for so many reasons. Although I indulge from time to time, I do try to feed my family relatively healthy meals. We don’t buy soda, we don’t buy too much processed foods, we don’t buy sugared cereals, etc. As soon as Mike saw them, he said I should throw them away. I felt bad for the couple who were going to go home without a handful of foods they thought they were buying.

Despite my better judgment, I did not throw them away. They are in my hidden arsenal for desperate times. Today I am going to open up and enjoy one of these bad boys.

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First red flag, they were only 99 cents each. What cheap crap are they made of? Second red flag, there is no need to refrigerate AND there is NO expiration date! What kind of cheap, forever-lasting crap are they made of? Third red flag, they are each 400 calories and provide almost half the recommended daily intake of saturated fat! What kind of cheap, forever-lasting, obesity-inducing crap are they made of?

Mmmmmmmmmm, good. That’s right. I am eating this non-nutritive, preservative-filled, fat roll-giving piece of heaven. There is only one lemon one left in the pantry that I will now have to hide expertly well if my husband reads this. The other apple, lemon and cherry ones are long gone. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Mmmmmm.

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